Somewhere in the USA – It’s being reported that Mr. Peebles, football handicapper extraordinaire and general jack*ss has checked himself into a Psych Ward, stressed out and completely farklempt over the impending Super Bowl 44 contest on February 7, 2009. According to insiders, Mr. Peebles is currently eating graham crackers, drinking Hi-C, and playing UNO for meds with his fellow patients. Leave it to Peebles to start a gambling operation in a Psych Ward: we’d say he’s degenerate, but that would be too nice.

What drove him to this level of madness? After struggling during the latter half of this season with his free NFL picks, his pent up frustration came to a head. He knew that the Saints/Colts would be playing in the Super Bowl, but he didn’t know which teams would get knocked off in the process. The true test of any sports pundit is not predicting the obvious, but predicting the unforeseen, unknown, and various other ambiguities that come with the sport.

Now that there’s a free weekend between now and the big day, Mr. Peebles went absolutely gonzo, pouring over the odds, prop bets, and money lines trying the find an edge. He spent most of yesterday watching re-runs of Sportscenter and eating Fruit Loops on the couch, while drinking Mike’s Hard Lemonde from a gallon pitcher. Needless to say, these habits brought him down a few pegs, and now he’s been committed to an undisclosed hospital location, in order to prevent further madness – and God forbid, switching from Fruit Loops to plain Cheerios. Ouch…

Peebles Will Re-Emerge February 5

Just before publication, we learned that he’s getting out Feb. 5, in part because his health care plan doesn’t pay for NFL insanity, and also because one can only afford so much mental health care paying cash on the barrel. To all those that believe the National Health Care debate is pointless, remember this: when you’re in a tough spot, who’s more likely to have your back? The HMO or Uncle Sam? Say what you will about democratic government, but Mr. Peebles figures odds are the government would take better care of him than XYZ Health Insurance, which most certainly will be raising premiums to untoward levels post this temporary insanity episode.

During a few lucid moments, Peebles did say he thinks the Lombardi Trophy will go to the Saints. They played well during the NFC championship, but on a scale from 1-10, Peebles thinks they played 8.5, whereas at 10 they would have crushed the Vikings. They’ll need their 10 game February 7, because Peyton Manning and the Colts aren’t d*cking around. Peebles thinks Manning or Brees will take home the MVP award, that is, unless there’s some miraculous play that sweeps everyone off their feet. Don’t bet too much, though, because we all know Mr. Peebles things Prop bets are for punks (and losers).

Rest assured, Pete Peebles will be his same old self very soon, but for now, it’s Crazy Eights, Snakes and Ladders, and counseling until he can get himself under control. Until the kick-off February 7, 2010….

Good Luck NFL Betting from Mr. Peebles!

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.